Mama JOURNAL RESPONSES Transfer 3 (Fitzner) & 4 (Prettyman) -Hochelaga, Montreal 5/7/26-
5/9/26
Oh Abe and
so it begins—I love your start- steering conversations to happy places and
being so dedicated to dig in and work.
What a blessing you will be to your area and your companion- I also love your faith to ask to be involved
and to just try. Faith in action!
I am sure as
you settle you will find blessings and challenges but this I know- you are
prepared in all things to handle it because you will do it with a striving
heart- and prayer. This companion has
things to learn from you and you from her—and both will be a gift- Show extra love—it will soften a lot of edges
It’s a nice
fresh start ♥
I hope you are sleeping well and that the shared eating is working out
for you—I ‘m guessing it’ll be awhile before you bust out taco soup- you prob
left some of that in your freezer in Ottawa-
it will prob cause you to menu plan more just to coordinate what you are
buying and what you are eating.
About Pday-
we’ll just navigate that as it comes- but yes, need to be aware—getting out and
having a plan will help, just getting out—maybe she will nap while you call or
stay on longer—it will work out! We’re
here for whatever that looks like-
It’s fun you
are already meeting friends (Sister Avery- that’s cute) Sounds like a nun name
That’s a
quick journal response but it’s pretty much from that first day entry- which I
was grateful for, I was thinking about you all day yesterday hoping it was
starting off well and that travel went smoothly
This weekend
L has bball (high school CTB) and I think (rumor is) she made JV- don’t think
Holland did- so that’s problematic- but we don’t know for sure yet—the hs girls
were talking about it at practice—a little awkwardly in front of the group- so
we’ll see- Maybe Lainey will tell you more about it in a message—we really don’t
know for sure yet-
Cont. Sat
night
Graham was
over helping at Sadie’s all day – I am overwhelmed just hearing about her 12
garden boxes (and that doesn’t even include the fenced in garden area- but she’ll love it—but what a lot of
work! I did our garden (kept it a little
more sparce this year) and flower pots (6) this week and it took me a few hours
and totally wore me out. I also put down snake deterrent to ward off any potential
snakes (remember that last year)
Back to your
journal- so good to read how you are taking time to discern how the spirit speaks
to you—I bet your brain hurts from all the French- but it’s the best way. Tonight
the only session we could make work was the Spanish one—(for endowments) Dad
got the headphones 😊
I didn’t- and I loved it so much-
it was beautiful to me (he said it was distracting to him) by the end I did
feel tired because my brain was translating it all- and because it’s familiar,
it wasn’t hard- but it did require a different focus- which I liked and Dad
didn’t- but he had headphones for English the whole time- he just likes what he’s
used to and that’s okay. I was thinking
how fun it’ll be to go to the temple together and you can get headphones in
French—and I’ll be in English-- - I did that with Emma once, she had Italian Headphones
gong—at the veil the worker thought she didn’t speak English so they called her
up in Italian to go first hahah—backfire—made sort of a spectacle and she didn’t
want to be disruptive and tell her she could speak English, so she just went
with it—sweet temple workers were trying to accommodate her so well since she
had the headphones with Italian.
I love your
answers to prayer- “You can trust me, I already trust you”—how beautiful is
that?
Grateful you
like your district and the metro—I am sure it has felt like a long week- pday
will be a welcome break!
Looking
forward to your call tomorrow l!! I don’t have meetings! Maybe I’ll finally get a Sunday nap. But I definitely don’t want to miss your call
so whenever works for you is great. Graham
is making breakfast (egg sandwich) Lainey lunch (frozen pizza) and Dad dinner
(I picked a pasta dish for him) 😊 We will go out to Grandmas about 7 our time—but trust me, I’m happy to
step away if that’s when you call- and I won’t parade you around the group, I
promise!
I love you Avery-
hope you have a wonderful Sunday—Thank you for making me a mama
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Journal responses post pday pg 93
I am sorry that Facebook referral wasn’t awesome- I seems
like you’ve sure had some weird ones since getting to that area. It’s important to know when it’s not
productive or starts to get weird—you have too much good to do to stay on those
calls long. You’re right- it doesn’t
mean that the contact is lost forever- it just means that you got to be a
touchpoint and maybe at another time when their life is different, they’ll be
more ready to receive—God numbers them, so you can do your dot color process and
not feel like you are leaving someone behind.
I think it’s great that you asserted yourself kindly but strongly enough
to send the message that the call needed to end—I’m glad you have confidence in
yourself and in the direction you get from the spirit when it’s time to pivot
I’m glad you liked your service opportunity with the fruit—those
are fun pictures.
About the vibe and the talking on the metro—it’s prob giving
you a clearer picture of why her comps might have talked to their family on
pday while out and about—if she wasn’t going to talk, it’s hard to “save” that
time. Honestly sometimes I feel like
that with dad-- I try to talk to him in
the car and he doesn’t really engage—when I call him on it he says, “I’m just
listening” and then I say a rock listens—you need to invest a little, ask
follow up questions, or just interact—so it feels like you are engaged—like you
were saying, do something to add to the situation, conversation, not just be a bump
on a log-- I mean comfortable silence is good and fine too- sometimes, but not
passive aggressiveness or not communicating you just want to chill for a little
bit-- Maybe she’s not a great conversationalist—or maybe she’s just working
through moods- or needs more in her head processing- but I get what you are
saying. What if you suggested that you
use your metro time for language study together—like you could write some
themes down in your phone notes and number them (the market, the hospital, a
first date, booking a hotel, meeting a new friend, the weather, directions
somewhere, etc) and then have her pick a number and then you talk about that
theme on the list in French- vocab, or
role play or something—then it might not feel overwhelming to her to have an
ongoing conversation, but helps her be more interactive. You could cross of the numbers as you go
through them? Idk just an idea- Be prayerful about it—and keep trying. Make it about her and see if she responds
more
I hope your week shapes up with more lessons
Things here—last night Graham and I went out to Sadie’s
The garden is impressive—they are now trying to figure out the
watering, seems backwards a little like should have dealt with sprinklers then
planted and made boxes- but they’ll figure it out—this year will be a test and Buggy
is okay with working out the kinks- but it’s a lot of hand watering. The boxes look great though and the arch is super
neat—pretty with plants later in the summer I’m guessing—Buggy thinks she can
train it all to grow in the way she wants (on the inside of the arch) but she’s
not tall enough to reach the taller sides or the top so that ‘ll have to be Seth’s
deal (added to his list) to weave growing vines and harvest the fruit that’s in
the top half of the arch. Miller was
pretty tired when we got there and I tried to keep him up to play but it only lasted
awhile, and when I did lay him down he was hyped about his binky and lovey which
is so cute-
On the way home Graham was working on his talk about his sacred
priesthood responsibility that he has to give at the stake general priesthood meeting
tonight—He wanted to do it by himself but he veered off his topic of his
priesthood responsibility to the sacrament in general- it was hard to work on
it with hm because he wanted to plow ahead- ask for help with a quote or a scripture,
but wouldn’t give me context or the flow—I finally gave up and it was
frustrating because he’s so capable and wants to be independent- I realized
that he needs to figure this out himself, but also that he wasn’t speaking to
his topic but there was no telling him.
Earlier this week he had a history essay and he thought he did so well
but the grade was bad- and after last night I’m guessing it’s because he
probably did write a good essay but didn’t hit the rubric points. He doesn’t totally get that the length or quality
of something doesn’t trump the application or purpose. Dad tried to help him and about lost his mind—
like there was a disconnect between Graham wanting to get it done and really
digging in and applying what he was doing to what was asked and what the spirit
could give him. Anyway—when he gets home
today I’ll follow up and I’m a little worried.
In his mind- if he gives a good talk (on the sacrament) that’s fine- although
I know they asked him to speak more to his priesthood responsibilities and how
to let that change the sacrament experience particularly as it relates to the
young men that will be there tonight.
Wish me luck- I am walking a delicate line between letting him figure it
out and him misinterpreting a scripture within his talk. He said, “ I felt the spirit
when I was preparing it” but Dad said, that’s because the thigs you are writing
about are good things- they just aren’t the topic you were asked to speak
on. Graham said, “I am talking on the sacrament’s
responsibility”- I said, “the sacrament doesn’t have responsibility- you do (as a bearer of the aaronic priesthood)”. That about blew his mind- and in trying to help him understand that it
just didn’t go well. Seriously- pray for
him… he’s such a sharp kid- but still needs some help to direct things—and I
was telling him that’s okay—that’s what parents are for—to HELP!
Seems like Emma and Noah are having a good time—it’s prob good they’ll have Colorado to unwind from all the adventure—I hope that’s an unwinding time for Emma anyway—because when she gets back here there’s a lot of adulting. I will be so excited to see her/them. I’m so glad they could maximize this time and this trip—so amazing.
Lainey doesn’t have a tournament this weekend—nice—they are doing a scrimmage on Sunday that we won’t do obviously- but no other tournaments—Sadie is going to bring Miller over Friday to be with me while she shops (she’s decided to get back to where she will thrift and sell things as side hustle) so her garage is super full, and the idea might be good, but also feels like another iron in the fire—I’m happy to help with Miller though- She & seth were going to stay Fri for dinner and Hawaii 5-0 after her errands but coach Steve just put together a “just for fun” gathering for the training group for Fri night—I didn’t think Lainey needed/wanted that (team bonding vibes- but this group is a mix of 9th and 8th and not at the same schools so it doesn’t seem needed to me- but that could just be my inner introvert talking) but then holland’s parents offered to host it- so she’ll prob want to go. I feel like Lainey needs a little less Holland focus (like I think she’s honestly more worried about what team Holland will make for summer ball/ reg season ) than she is about her placement. I’m guessing Sadie and Seth will still come for dinner Fri and hang out for awhile
Miles is working through getting his car fixed- dropped it
off at the place yesterday so he’s without a car which is a pain- but hopefully
things get done without a mess w/ the car wash place and the payments. He got
an 86 on that midterm- Idk if he told you or not—he wasn’t hyped but not
freaked out either—he really needs to lock in- and A in this class would be a
big deal
Well that’s a lot of info that might not have been needed—but
there you go. Oh I love you kids so much—if
you didn’t know before, you can prob tell now how absolutely invested I am in
each of you!
I love you Soeur Miller.
You are right where you wanted to be—(as His missionary) and where
you are needed… on divine errand and God doesn’t waste time or opportunity ♥
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I love how you love personal study—Lainey used to do that with you and I don’t think that’s happening now—maybe you can encourage her- or get her to make a chart and report back about she studies—I want he to develop a love and a pattern as you have- It is so nice hta you have dedicated time and that will become more challenging after your mission, but you can still prioritize it
It’s so cute you could find kids to talk to—I am sure they are a lot less intimidating- but I bet they still talk fast! It’s neat you would reach out to them—they prob liked that a grown up was interested in them/ their huntrix sweatshirt.
I hope your throat didn’t get worse or turn into a cold. Good call on the Vit C and Tylenol
I love how you describe Serena- I think she must be a gentle spirit and even in the chance that she isn’t all there- it’s sweet that what she can and does understand can bring her so much peace—Christ will fill in the gaps and her willingness and soft heart are the best offerings to make at baptism.
It ‘s interesting that it is taking some time to figure out your comp- but it’s sweet that you are still trying-- I imagine some comps might have quit on it or just been irritated but you are still tryiJournal response 6/3
ng—meeting her when she’s open and loving her when she’s not- that note was super sweet. ♥ Might seem like a little thing but it’s a big thing!
Yay for the stickers—and for kindness and you are right, planting a seed—they might be more friendly to a missionary down the road because of that kindness!
That’s amazing about Dina, and all the people you are teaching-9 out of 10 lessons is a crazy success!!! I like how you keep trusting that the Lord is going to help you improve each day and I know He is—you are doing better than you think you are, I promise! Keep using that faith Ave—it’s BIG faith and it can do Big things—
Understanding 40% at greeting at the door of those ladies is wonderful! You go Soeur Miller— That’s great you had Serena and her dad come (even if it is late) it’s encouraging that he supports her and is somewhat involved ♥Her baptism announcement cover is beautiful!
If it makes you feel any better I went to 2 different ward second hour today Foxtail (it was their ward conference and ours) and I didn’t understand much of what was going on in Sunday school—total weeds (Rex Larson was our teacher) haha.Every time I’m in Sunday school I can’t wait for Sept when we will only have 25 min and will need to dial it in and not have it be so random. No time for the long winded comments or teachers who can’t figure out the applicable points (he got a book written by an ancient scholar names Josephus and read from it! He said, "it should be scripture" I was nudging dad to make a comment quick to bring it back and the lamest thing we had some visitors there—ugh—what is going on here?
That’s great that Serena could come to a baptism and know what to expect for when it’s her turn! I think you need to gently find a way to help your comp understand some boundaries—esp physical ones—they should be the same for all—just bc serena is sweet or a girl, doesn’t make different physical boundaries okay—for one- there are people who may watch and infer the wrong thing- which then becomes a clouded view of you as a representative of Christ--- I am not sure how you say that – but I think you should= also the botanical gardens on pday is your rest day, your break day and I am pretty sure you aren’t supposed to “hang out” with friends that day—you are a missionary not a bestie—so hopefully you can help your comp understand that—one point to maybe think about is that if you create too close of a bond with her- it makes her more attached to the messenger than the message or more likely to have some sort of separation issue when either of you get transferred. We can talk about it more tomorrow—but I think I’d put my foot down about the joint pday—I should have responded sooner to suggest this because your in bed now I’m sure--= if it does go that way- I guess that’s all right- but if you can switch that up, go a different pday or different time or something, I would. I think it’s good for you to have a day that is a break from the other days--- and like you said to be together as comps.
Oh sounds like you handled it well; Way to lead out babe
You better call me every day or text or something!! I’m so grateful to be close like that. I wish Sister Fitzner had that too- maybe she will with her mother in law
Okay so want to wrap this up quick so if you are up you can read it-
Tomorrow I am free whenever except for these things—apparently Noah left his work computer here which he needed to take ot Manaasa- so I have to go at 9am to a fed ex place and see about the best/most economic way to get it to Colorado by Wednesday. I don’t think that should take me very long- but I need to be at fed ex at 9am when they open. Then in the afternoon I have to pick up Holland and Lainey at Sawtooth at 3 and take them to Rocky for try outs—so I’ll get off the call when they get in the car for a few minutes till I drop them off—so tomorrow you’ll just get Lainey in the morning- but I’ll drive her to school so it’s longer
I don’t know what everyones else’s plans are. Tonight Sadie and Seth went to Middleton instead of here (bawwwbbhhhaa) but they did sleep over here on Friday night- and spent half of Saturday- still we wanted them back for COME FOLLOW ME- oh well. Also I really don’t like Miller kissing on the lips—we are pretty aware to always offer a cheek--- 😉
I talked a lot to Max Barton’s mom today (she was just released as her ward RS president) she had lots of updates about her son and Preston form your MTC group—sounds like a crazy experience and made my heart happy that you are in Canada- not Africa. ♥
All right I’ll sign off—love you so much—we’ll be ready to talk at 7 am and find out your day plan—I think Emma is flying right now to Taiwan- and might get to get on for a minute before their long flight to Seattle. I hope the flight back is better than the flight there. Seems like they’ve had an amazing time- but I bet they are tired and a week in Colorado might be a lot for Emma! Hope that goes okay-
I love you Avery- Talk to you in the morning!! Whoo hoo!!
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That’s so great that Fahti has plans to go the temple—that’s
amazing—
It’s neat how you can literally feel yourself drawing closer
to your Heavenly Father through personal study-
I think it’s a beautiful example of proving the Lord – like He cannot restrain the blessings and His spirit when
you seek it like that and let that study and that relationship be so important
to your heart and your daily pattern..
I’m glad you are taking your time with the fourth missionary—I
always worry that it’s so much that you won’t have time or energy to work
through it- but its also so amazing. Makes
me happy that you are working through it- also says a lot about your heart and
your level of understanding that you can pour over that in consistent way and
get so much from it!
Yay for Dina—three times in a week is a lot! I will be prayerful that the invitation feels
guided by the spirit soon!
That’s so sweet you can connect with all your friends in different
meaningful ways—cute about Nick and the mutual language help- and how fun for
that family with the wife from Brazil to get to talk about her home country
with someone who has been there and fell in love with it. She is a long way from home!
That’s it from 5/21/26- just keeping up 😊
I love it
Miller is down for his second nap of the day- Sadie brought
him over so she could prep the house and get ready for their mccall weekend—I think
Seth will get home do some yard stuff and then they’ll get miller early this
evening on their way to Donnely. I try
to take lots of videos for you when I have him!
Miles is in route and should get here by 4:30pm. I made a temple apt for tonight so hopefully
that works for him.
Day one of summer and I’m trying to get Grham and Lainey to plan
out a day schd- not down to when things need to happen but to have some
accountability with piano, jobs, reading, scriptures- neither of them like to
be scheduled- but if they can get a plan written own and manage themselves with
how to roll it out I think it’ll be good
Lainey was at Hollands with friends from right after school
till 10pm- she had a lot of fun but it was sort of a lame last day hoorah
around here. I figured it was a good time for her to hang out with them
though before things get more distance in summer. She was pretty emotional
about the last day- but I reminded her that if it’s hard to move on from it’s
because it was good.
Yay for the nail challenge—keep going! Maybe you can buy a growth polish or
something like a nail builder polish on Monday even clear!!
I love you! Mama
“The more obstacles you have, the more opportunities there are for God to do something.” – Clarence W. Jones, 1900-1986, Missionary to Ecuador
“To know God and to make Him known.”
Journal response starting 5/22 It IS so beautiful there—you are taking such
fun pictures!
I am so glad you love your district and enjoy district
council- hopefully you plan a fun pday together soon
Hallmark actor vibes- that’s funny—hopefully that friend is
actually intereseted—I bet Montreal would make a great hallmark location for
shooting—you’ve probably seen one set there—I’m just guessing.
I love that Serena told you “I’m ready for my baptism” It’s
so neat to see with her and with Fatih how prepared and willing they are—I am
sure there will be some that will keep you guessing more than those two have—but
what a blessing of an opportunity to be able to teach and impact those two ♥
The hair incident and rinsing off and “just go” painted a
good picture of the comp dynamic! Keep striving to let things go quickly and move
forward with love—no one wins if you don’t
5/24 You were describing your hair as frizzy but I want you
to know I think your curls look so pretty in your pictures- I wish mine looked
like that—my ends looked like someone lit my hair on fire and then rubbed the
ends together to put it out and left it that way—
That was sweet of you to celebrate a 6 mo milestone—I am
sorry you weren’t appreciated adequately—I know you didn’t do it to be recognized-
but from the outside looking in – that was a very sweet thing of you to do
I love that you are continually teaching Serena what the
spirit feels like and that she feels safe enough to be emotional about it. It’s such a beautiful beginning for her at whatever
understanding she has
5-25 I worried if everyone (not Em and Noah) but the rest
home would make for a harder p-day but I did love seeing everyone invest and
just love that time with you. It was a
sweet thing to see—we all love you so much and your older sibs get it in all
the ways
5-26 2 hours of cutting cabbage is a lot of cabbage! Satisfying to crunch through it with a knife
though, I bet! It’s fun you can use that as more French language time
5-27 How can I love her—that’s beautiful and neat to recognize
how the Lord shows up for you with a good day to help you weather the
challenging ones.
As far as sounding dumb not faking it—While “dumb” isn’t a
kind way to say it --I kind of get that—it’s like when Graham or Lainey speak Spanish
they don’t sound legit—you hear it correctly all around you so you can imitate the inflection and the accent as
best you can when you try—it’s okay if all of it doesn’t come naturally or
sound right but you’ll get better faster if you try to say it with your best accent,
or like you hear it said. I hope her
advice didn’t make you feel small--- because you are doing great- but it’s also
pretty good advice to sound as “French” as you can—pretty soon it will roll off
your tongue—and sound naturally how it should- but in the mean time, over
accentuate- you might as well practice
it as best you can sounding like a frenchy. 😊 You go Soeur Miller
I will always know what you mean when you say a dog is being
weird/// haahahaha
I hope things are going well and moving along with Wesner-
it’s good to be ready when the spirit prompts you- maybe it isn’t just yet—hopefully
your member friend knows you are actively heading that direction!
Well love- that’s the journal I have. We are doing well. I set up fourth of July today ♥ Emma and Noah got in at 1am after leaving CO
at 8am that morning but they wanted to just get it done! It’s fun to have them here—still feels like a
visit- not a permanent situation. It’s
nice they have the upstairs to do their own thing. Right now they are taking the littles to
Walmart to do a scavenger hunt which should be fun—I’ll try to get them to post
pics on the chat—but you’ll now understand they are scavenger hunt photos- 😊
I was sitting here watching mama cut Graham’s hair tonight (and listening to
him whine :) and I was thinking “I miss my Abe!” How are you doing? Mama
has been keeping me up to date on your companion struggles. Hearing her share
some of the things you are going through brings so many memories flooding back
of difficult comps. It sounds like you are tackling it head on with a lot of
faith and prayer. As easy as it is for me to say, because my forever companion
now is so so wonderful, these times will teach you so many important things.
And I’m confident you are learning those despite it being so hard.
You may have already studied in detail President Christofferson’s talk
from conference, The Character of Christ, but if you haven’t maybe you can take
some time this week to study it. It is such an excellent talk, and I think it
can help you with your current situation. The part that resonated with me the
most was the Saviors desire (even passion) to seek for the happiness and
advancement of others. I struggle with this at times. Sometimes I feel like
Karma would be the best medicine for someone I see as proud, arrogant, or
unkind. But as I try to emulate the Savior more in my life, I’m trying harder
to see the best in others, and let go of my own pride and stubbornness. This
doesn’t come very naturally to me, but I’m trying, and this talk has inspired
me to work on this more earnestly.
Well, it’s late, and Graham somehow survived his haircut even though it was
touch and go there for a minute. I can’t wait to talk to you in the morning. I
love you more than you could possibly know. I’m so very very proud of you and
the missionary you are. It makes my dad heart happy knowing I have such an
amazing daughter out in field serving with her whole heart. “That’s MY girl!!!
Love, Dad
Sent from my iPad
...
Thank you for the email dadI am looking forward to studying
it and will send you all my thoughts once I finish it:) Thank you for all your
prayers and for talking to me every morning, I love it so much!! I am so
grateful for you! Have the best week!
Love Abe
Sadie and Seth are coming over for dinner tonight (to see
Sowards!) and that will be fun Lainey plays at 10 and 12 tomorrow—Emma Graham and
I will go (Noah and Dad have work) We made a text group called the home fries
for all our in house communique 😊 haha Friday
night Sadie and Miller will come over bc Seth (and Drew Bingham and their
bishop) have a YM campout – You go Caldwell ward, I wish Spurwing did – Anyway –
Miller and Sadie are spending the night here—Buggy has all these crafting and
thrifting plans with Emma but I’m not sure how that works with noah—it might be
an interesting dynamic- I intend to totally stay out of it and let them all
navigate that. Then Sat morning more
bball at the capital tournament. - 2 more games. I think Sadie will come to
those bc Seth will be gone at the campout—I think he and Drew might go fishing
on way back. Coach Megan asked her to play on Frosh too-
but I let her know that it was prob too much on Lainey’s knees—to do both Frosh
and JV and she’s doing great on jv—it’s pretty much equal playing time, but she’s
making an impact and I think she belongs there.
Sat eve we have apts for initiatory and baptisms at the temple. Sunday I
don’t have meetings wahoo! And I think Sadie and Seth and Miller will come back
over for CFM and dinner—I need to invite Jack and Janice soon. I also need to get my talk going for June 14th- I think
it’s in the Silverleaf ward. Then
Monday! Pday! And Swim lessons. I am hoping you can go to the botanical
gardens in the morning time for us—I am sure Sadie will be available if you don’t-
but I can’t be on from 9-1
probably- I’m so sorry—I’ll get on right
when I get kids cleared out! It’d be too hard to see and hear by the pool and I
really need to be more aware esp day one fo the sessions—which will be all your
pdays in June! We’ll do our best with
what we get!! And I can talk to you in
the early morning time too—I am not sure what Miles plan is—I think Noah has
work but I don’t really know that either.
I hope you had a good day and can sleep well tonight—I love you so so much. Day by day you are building the kingdom and binding your heart to heaven!
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Journal
response 6/3/26
Little love—this is lot – this thing you are doing- I hope you keep giving yourself grace that it won’t be all (or even mostly) pretty- easy- comfortable. I know you get hit with that reality daily- but I hope you can ride the wave and allow the Lord to do His work- because surely He knows your heart! He wants you to continue to be totally reliant on Him. And as you know, He DELIVERS (literally) The The Lord knows what He is doing, and He knows what you are capable of- even if there’s some growing pains in it
5/28:
So grateful you could feel the spirit no matter a language barrier with Dina-
that’s such a powerful thing.
I’m
glad everyday looks different—keeps it from getting from too monotonous.
5/30 I’m
glad you know when you need to separate and pray—it’s ok to cry it out. I love that you know to take it prayer and
that you can call down your miracles to buoy you up and get back at it/reset
I
think “forsaking all” as the fourth missionary doesn’t mean you don’t love home
or ever feel homesick, but you redirect and give your best effort- refocusing
over and over and more quickly as you g0—you are doing that! Actively!
That
is odd that you ran into her missionary—you’d think the office would put actual
distance between them- but it’s good that they are obedient even with the
proximity- that could’ve been a real nightmare.
I bet the interaction was interesting…hahaha- it just feels awkward
You
don’t quit on goals because they are hard—you maybe rework it to half day- but you
could kindly remind her that the more you try (and good for you Abe for trying
so hard) the better you’ll get—in other words the only way to not stink at it
is to get good at it and that will come- but come faster with practice
6-1-26:
baby names- first of all- who cares if
you like her names and vice versa—You don’t have to be in love with everyone else’s
choices in that dept- just so you agree with your spouse- I’m not that keen on
Sadie’s Rory (since I call dad that) or Emma’s Brixton (sounds kind of feminine
to me) but it doesn’t matter—we will love them like crazy no matter what—and besides
that’s a weird thing to get hurt feelings over—from a comp where there’s zero
connection post mission--you do you Jayna – That is hard to hear her bash with
her mom- and stings for sure- (and I’m sorry I didn’t have you on camera to see
that you were upset) but at the end of the day if that’s the worst thing she
can come up with- it’s going to be okay.
You don’t have to be her favorite- you just have to love her and do what
is welcoming to the spirit- and you are!
I read about it OVER and OVER- and here you are still striving… ♥
I like
that you’ve been prayerful about what to share with your mission
president- I am sure he is more aware
than you think he is- but still it’s important to give him a full picture
because it helps every decision he makes be more informed—then he can take it
to the spirit- aware of all the things—that matters for you, for her, and for
her next comp. Even with the moods and
the challenges I am so grateful that she’s willing to work! I think a companionship with her if you felt
further along in French would look different—that’s not your issue- that’s
hers- and as long as you continue to show with a soft heart, and do what you
can, without being a doormat—letting the little things go, you’ll be in a good
spot with heaven- positioned for blessings and divine help.
6-2-26-
Sweet idea to read family letters—you need reminders of your gifts and how
loved you are—also your patriarchal blessing- because surely that will help you
feel known and cherished by your Heavenly Father.
I’m so
glad service is happy for you- I know I’ve said it before, but I love how that
time is planned in- it wasn’t like that for your siblings—they would find it,
or seek it, or ask when they could do it- but it wasn’t a structured weekly
thing unless they created it like that (like Emma’s car washes in Hawaii) I
just think it’s cool to have something set up weekly and so good for the community
to see you with your tags on doing good—I bet it softens hearts for later
contacts!
Pg 112:I
love that you answered the prompting to step and retrace your steps- and that
you let the spirit guide until you found the person you needed to- even if it
wasn’t the one you originally stopped for—that’s so cool.
Working
hard! Yes you are—that’s the tired spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically—that
is the fourth missionary feeling at bedtime!
Oh we
love you so much- so so proud of you!
Things around here this week have been good- swim is good—we miss you and Miles. Kids have been okay- some who signed up for multiple sessions didn’t guess right (their mom’s fault and mine) but we work with it! Tomorrow we finish up session 1—4 more to go (oooff!) Lainey has been amazing—like a pro (trained by the best) As per usual- Emma ignores a few kids—hahaha- and Graham gets run over by his boy classes (a little concern)ed about his future parenting—#coveredinscratchesafterbabysittingthetickesboys
Speaking of Graham he’s pretty hyped the Knicks won game 1 of finals. No one else seems to care—and I am not sure why Graham does. HahahaHe and Ace went golfing today.
This weekend we have Lainey’s mountain home tournament- kind of brutal bc it’s all day both days- but glad dad can go with me. Emma and Noah are sticking around here for some “them” time 😉 and Graham will come with us Friday and then I think will go to Sadie’s to “help” on Saturday. The temple is closed for 2 weeks so we’ll miss that. The kids started watching POLDARK and are really liking it—wahoo! So that’s five seasons of goodness that I don’t have to fight the “Find a movie in 5 minutes or we’re done” vibe. It’s nice Emma Noah Graham and Lianey all like it and are invested. L and G still have a few more episodes of Hawaii 5-0 with Sadie and Seth. We won’t see Miller this week tll Sunday bc of how things worked out with BBall and then this weekend tournament—I don’t like that- but looking forward to Sunday-
Looking
forward to your call for Graham on Friday- we’ll do presents on Sunday but the
run down is: a big lego hotel with light kit, some lakers golf club covers, a
little drone, a puzzle, some bball cards and some shirts. 😊I need to talk to him about HXP
that’ll be his big xmas this year finding out where—I am hoping he’ll be
excited about the opportunity—your experience will help- but I need to approach
it right with him.
We’re all going strong at 100% on our Grind don’t stop challenge—I’m pretty sure I’ll be the first miss in the group- but it’s helpful to have everyone on board and I like that people can each be focusing on being consistent in whatever their goals are raher than stressed about doing someone else’s idea of what is good (aka #dadonadiet or #sadiemakingtheultimatechartofalltimewith100000000boxes) Anyway it ended up only Miles, Dad, Sadie and Seth in it for the prize—but it’s good to have the place to report it and Seth is tracking it—so far 100% for all… but it’s only day 3! Haaha- still I’m proud of us (and you with your nails!!) Get it!
I’ll
leave you (not ever!) with a thought from a devotional I read earlier today:
“President Henry B. Eyring said, “When you realize
who you really are, you will be sorry that you didn’t try harder.”5
Knowing who we are and whose work we’re doing brings tremendous
staying power. Whatever we’re called to pass through—trials like the
Prophet Joseph, raising triplets, or struggling to master a concept or
skill—knowing you’re a child of God provides ennobling and sustaining power to
endure the tempering fire.
Elder
Maxwell admonished us, “Some of us will have to be most courageous, not
when we’re alone, but when we’re in a crowd. Whatever the form the test takes,
we must be willing to pass it. We must reach breaking points without breaking.”6
It is through the Lord’s tempering processes that we become unbreakable.”
Something to think about-
I know your mission is a time of tempering—and so is this companionship.
I also know you are up to the task and will weather it well because you’ll do
it in partnership with the Lord. He loves
you dearly and so do we
Xoxxo- talk to you Friday (well Graham will) but we’ll be on
too!
________________________________________
Checking in from journal 127-6/18/2026
Still waiting for a pic of you and your comp—sounds like it’s
been a different start that you were expecting.
Wish I could give you a big hug~
(consider yourself hugged!!!) Oh Abe—we
had such high hopes. You are prob as surprised by it as I am…. You needed a
change- but It’s still hard, just a different kind of hard. But there’s a reason
in it and something to learn and grow from.
Maybe it’s just her needing to assert herself in starting out in a new
area? I didn’t get the vibe that it was very mutual
the way things were organized and planned out—I hope you’ll find your voice in
it – you are the junior companion, but you are not in training. You know your contacts and if your heart
tells you to persist rather than pause with one of them-advocate for that. I am
sorry she didn’t wrap you in a hug—or you her- something to learn from next
transfer—just hug your companion- even if it’s forced—hug it out and show love initially—love
wins…love wins…love wins. I hope things
settle a little. Keep being hopeful—find the good-- it’s there and let it go in your journal and prayers.
Elder
Jeffery R. Holland
One of the great ironies of life is
this: He or she who served almost always benefits more than he or she who is
served.
I love you Avery- I
am sorry you are having a double challenge—that means next one should be dreamy-
right? And rest in the part that you see
her willingness to work—and keep trying to set aside the things that bug—(you
are both Cali girls after all) I wonder if she knows the Watkins—Nicole knows a
lot of youth bc she was in the Stake YW presidency and now is a seminary
teacher? Or maybe she knows Ruby or
Gray?
Elder
Jeffery R. Holland
But remember, the Lord
has never required expert, flawless missionary efforts. Instead, "the Lord
requireth the heart and a willing mind."
I will keep this short because I don’t have long- I am so
glad you are meeting and connecting little by little with more missionaries-
when you have reason to be in the office or cross paths—your circle is growing—and
that’s fun- and will make it fun after your mission when you go to
reunions.
Elder
Jeffery R. Holland
All of those called to the
ministry...are given the gifts needed to perform the work whereunto they are
called. These gifts are always the ones needed for the particular work at hand.
We’ve had a good weekend with Miles—he’s gone golfing twice-
once with Graham and then today at Redhawk with Dad and Miles—I still am not
used to seeing our Landau house in white—It’s in the pic that dad posted in the
background
Emma and Noah were asked to speak to youth tomorrow at the
one day Youth Conference (and I know they’ll be amazing!) IT’s sweet that they are willing—Lainey is
hugely relived that they’ll be there for the classes part (36pm) then there’s
catered dinner and then games, mechanical bull, dancing games—it goes till 10- not
sure how long they’ll last but I hope it’s fun—it would be good to send
positive vibes to Lainey abt this upcoming stake girls camp—so if she can have
fun at Youth Conference tomorrow
Viry and Leila leave tomorrow morning and I’m ready- but it’s
been really easy because she’s had her
car and they’ve gone every day to play with friends so its’ just been nights
with us—Leila did really well in Swim lesssons too (passed level 3) so that
worked out well; Monday we start session
4!!! It’s a lot to do it back to back to back, but it will be nice when it’s done
for July
Thought this talk might be a good one to study—you are not
alone in all this babe! (you should prob listen to this talk just bc this guy’s
accent is funny- I don’t where he is from but somewhere in the South maybe?:
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2025/10/56amos?lang=eng
“I think we all have
moments when we feel our ingredients are not good enough, or we struggle to
follow the directions, or perhaps we do something out of order, or something
happens that is out of our control, and so on.
What’s the remedy? It’s simply to add more of what invites
Jesus Christ into your life.
So, what might it look like to add more Jesus Christ into
your life?
While serving as mission president, I had the pleasure of
meeting personally with each of our young missionaries every six weeks. During
the one-on-one meeting, it was common for missionaries to seek guidance on how
to improve the effectiveness of their companionships.
On one occasion, a missionary came into his personal
interview and sat down. I could tell from his body language that something was
weighing heavily on his mind. I asked, “Elder, what would you like to discuss
today?” He went on to describe some of the challenges he was having with his
companion and how it was affecting their ability to do missionary work. With
tears in his eyes, he looked at me and asked, “President, what should I do?”
In that instance, I honestly didn’t know how to respond.
After a brief moment, I asked him if it was OK for us to kneel together in
prayer for guidance from the Spirit. He agreed, and we knelt together and
prayed for inspiration.
After the prayer, we continued kneeling for a short time
and then sat in our chairs facing each other. I asked if we could read a
scripture together. As we opened our scriptures, I paused and told him, “Elder,
as we read this scripture, please ask yourself the following question: If I
live these attributes, will it improve my companionship and our missionary
work?”
Then we opened Moroni 7:45 and
read out loud: “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and
is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no
evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all
things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”
The elder then looked at me with tears in his eyes and
said, “Yes, President, but that is hard to do.” I agreed and reminded him that
he is a son of God with divine potential to do it together with the Lord.
Then we briefly discussed the parable of the slope taught
by Elder Clark G. Gilbert of the Seventy, which reminded us that we need
to start where we are and, together with the Lord, move forward and upward in a
positive direction. I could tell that he was still feeling a bit
overwhelmed with the next steps, so I asked him to describe his understanding
of the scripture “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass.” He
went on to describe the concept that by doing small and simple things, great
things can happen. I asked him to take a minute and identify two small and
simple things he could do to be kind to his companion.
After a few moments, he shared his thoughts. Then I asked
him to take a minute and identify two small and simple things he could do to be
patient with his companion. He almost immediately shared his two thoughts. It
was clear that he had already been pondering this before our meeting. I invited
him to take those few items to God in prayer and to ask for confirmation,
direction, and inspiration on how to execute his plan with real intent. He
agreed. As we concluded, I asked him to provide a brief update in his weekly
letter.
As the next few weeks went by, I could see in his weekly
letters that things were improving. Not only could I see that improvement
in his weekly letters, but I could also see it in the
weekly letters of his companion. During our next in-person interview, I saw a
night-and-day difference in his countenance and spirit. I asked him, “So,
Elder, is it true that ‘charity never faileth?’” He responded with a big
smile, “Yes, and by small and simple things are great things brought to pass.”
As you follow the Good News Recipe for happy living,
remember President Nelson’s teaching: “Whatever questions or problems you have,
the answer is always found in the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Learn
more about His Atonement, His love, His mercy, His doctrine, and His restored
gospel of healing and progression. Turn to Him! Follow Him!”
When you need to “hear Him” and know how to invite Jesus
Christ into your life, consider following the steps President Nelson taught us
about personal revelation:
“Find a quiet place where you can regularly go. Humble
yourself before God. Pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father. Turn to Him
for answers and for comfort.
“Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your
fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen!
Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow
through with actions that you are prompted to take. As you repeat this process
day after day, month after month, year after year, you will ‘grow into the
principle of revelation.’”
I testify that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. He
has “accomplished everything we need to be able to return to [our] Heavenly
Father.”
_______________________________________
6/26/26
I was sitting here watching mama cut Graham’s hair tonight (and listening to
him whine :) and I was thinking “I miss my Abe!” How are you doing? Mama
has been keeping me up to date on your companion struggles. Hearing her share
some of the things you are going through brings so many memories flooding back
of difficult comps. It sounds like you are tackling it head on with a lot of
faith and prayer. As easy as it is for me to say, because my forever companion
now is so so wonderful, these times will teach you so many important things.
And I’m confident you are learning those despite it being so hard.
You may have already studied in detail President Christofferson’s talk
from conference, The Character of Christ, but if you haven’t maybe you can take
some time this week to study it. It is such an excellent talk, and I think it
can help you with your current situation. The part that resonated with me the
most was the Saviors desire (even passion) to seek for the happiness and
advancement of others. I struggle with this at times. Sometimes I feel like
Karma would be the best medicine for someone I see as proud, arrogant, or
unkind. But as I try to emulate the Savior more in my life, I’m trying harder
to see the best in others, and let go of my own pride and stubbornness. This
doesn’t come very naturally to me, but I’m trying, and this talk has inspired
me to work on this more earnestly.
Well, it’s late, and Graham somehow survived his haircut even though it was
touch and go there for a minute. I can’t wait to talk to you in the morning. I
love you more than you could possibly know. I’m so very very proud of you and
the missionary you are. It makes my dad heart happy knowing I have such an
amazing daughter out in field serving with her whole heart. “That’s MY girl!!!
Love, Dad
Sent from my iPad
...
Thank you for the email dadI am looking forward to studying
it and will send you all my thoughts once I finish it:) Thank you for all your
prayers and for talking to me every morning, I love it so much!! I am so
grateful for you! Have the best week!
Love Abe
So amazing to have so many friends at church—I bet your district was hyped at those numbers!
I’m so excited for your temple day on Saturday and what a wonderful experience made even sweeter by having friends there-- ♥♥I bet it just makes your heart happy- like another assurance that they can be retained in their gospel journey because they are drawing near to Christ in the Holy Temple
6/29 I am so glad pday is a strength to you – it is for us too- I saw something online about pday calls and how it blesses a family— I’ll paste it below
6/30/26 that was sweet to read your notes on my talk—I needed all those things too—and rereading them in your notes was sweet for me because I felt the spirit like I did when I was preparing it (maybe not so much giving it bc of nerves)
I love that you got to meet up with Jane- and what a sweet evidence that you are so dear to you that she would reach out and make that happen on her visit ♥ It’s a good lesson on what it means to love someone and fellowship them, even if they aren’t ready to take the next step—I know you have to move along as missionaries but it’s neat to see how you can still have impact—and the message and the light are still available to her—The Savior sees her and is proving his awareness as she moves along and closer to him at her own pace.
7/1/26 I love that your comp got those pics of you and Jane—so sweet—you should really thank Sis P for those—that’s special!
Chicken feet—wow.. you go Abe—I don’t know if I could do it—
Hoping for a zone conference that fills your cup and anxious to read about how interviews go- wondering if he'll bring it up or how that feels with a smaller group
Things here- yesterday we watched the USA soccer match and had hot dogs and the missionaries came over—we have a new one from Samoa and he played us the coolest songs on Lainey’s ukulele. Then we had a water balloon toss that turned into a water balloon fight- naturally. And then swimming
Last day of swim today! Wahoo. On the down low- but worked out that the kids made $11,475 during the 5 weeks of swim- so divided by three they each made $3,852, which works out to $63.75 per hour they worked… so such a blessing!!! Miles says he wants back in next summer! Such a blessing to save for missions and college
Tonight we have the temple and Lainey has a bball practice with her travel slam team (15U) for their OREGON CITY tournament this weekend—still a little nervous about it- but I got a sweet text from Coach Alycia and I think she’s super supportive of the not playing on Sunday and made sure Lainey was in a good hotel room (roommates with Emma and Lennox) and has the car situation that Lainey hoped for with Lennox and her mom- her mom is like the team mom designated for this trip and will make sure they do everything as a team- so I hope it’s a good experience for Lainey. I’m glad she has a phone to go- I think she’s ready for that! But I still worry. I don’t really know the details of the tournament yet- hopefully I’ll know more after this practice- but Lainey removed me from the group chat when she was added in- I tried to not be offended- bc I get it- but now I am really in the dark- I did let VIry know she was playing in OREGON city- I think it’s like 10 minutes from her- so maybe she’ll catch a game? Idk the schedule yet though
For the fourth-- Dad said that maybe instead of floating the stretch past the gutter we could go to a Mountain lake in Sweet and paddle around—that sounds fun and he promised it was a drive up to the Lake kind of deal, not a hike to the lake—maybe I can get him to bring the dogs? That’d be fun—I do have 2 life vests- then we’ll prob go out to Middleton for fireworks—Sadie and seth left for McCall today and will be up there till Sat and then they are going to Marquelles fourth of July bash—I didn’t really try to help them understand that her shindig isn’t just a family affair—I think they want to go to show off miller swimming at Marcuells which will be fun- but also not just cousins so I have zero (#lessthanzero) interest in that. - Marquelle invited all their Middleton besties—and I struggle with just the family gatherings- but the rando gatherings I don’t like at all—maybe we can just meet up with the group at the fireworks and skip marquelle’s all together- we’ll see. Dad was a little defensive at first, but I am not sure he realizes what it is either—we’ll see what we are up for and the timing after the lake. One Year I’d like to party at home and see what fireworks we can see from the yard—for sure Star and Middleton- but I know it’s not the same as having them go off right overhead.
Sunday Miles will head back to Provo and we’ll see Sadie and Seth for CFM
We are all cheering for you!!! WE loved your pics—you look so beautiful ! Natural curls for the win!!!!
7/9/2026
Sweet Abe—I am so glad you felt good about your interview—I love that you felt like he was really listening—I know how important that is to you especially- and maybe with fewer missionaries he can keep that pattern easier. I am confident that emotional or not- your heart and your big faith and your light comes across easily to him. I think the way you shared about each comp was sweet—and the needed insight a MP would like to have without getting too muddy in it—It’s the place that he can make decisions going forward about assignments, companionships, areas, with a full picture and then put the rest to receiving revelation—that information in is important to his inspiration- and the fact that you’ve been prayerful about how and what to share, and more transparent in your emails to him set you up to have that feel more effective I sharing. So that’s wonderful! You are a mission president’s dream- even with all the things that feel like you aren’t measuring up yet- you are doing it with Him and He can fill those small gaps as needed- in the meantime you are leaning into Him and trusting and letting His miracles sustain and grow your faith. That makes it easy for your MP to trust you with hard things- challenging things- and have peace in his heart that you know how to seek the spirit and where to find your strength. What more could you ask for in a missionary. Give yourself more grace—French will come—if that’s your biggest struggle (and it is a big deal) but you’ve got the rest going for you- and you do because you are willing to do the work whatever is asked of you- then that’s a golden spot to keep launching from. And you recognizing the partnership with heaven is EVERYTHING!!!
I am so proud of you and your ability to keep showing up, all in and be an instrument in God’s hands—that’s what you are- He knows He can count on you and he loves you so!!!
Things here are good—can’t email long today bc Sadie is bringing Miller over—she realized I’ll be gone next week and I think she needs “a day” while she can get it and I’m happy about it- plus G and L are here and a little bored—both are needing to pack for girls camp and high adventure next week- Lainey is resisting it a little—as expected- but it will be good for her- it’s supposed to be really hot next week here which is brutal with camping. Our trip just got interesting with the weather in South Carolina too—hot and rain and lightning- so humid too I’m guessing—not sure how I’ll spend my days but if it’s remaining it makes it hard to do day walks around or enjoy the rooftop pool. I’ve got some ideas though and I hope I can just relax some—that’ll be nice- though it does feel a little long to just “be there” doing nothing. I never would have gone (through the evenings with dad will be fun) unless the kids weren’t also gone all week so it worked out well. Viry was supposed to come on Monday but her Watson isn’t doing well so she isn’t staying over after her trip here (which she’d timed up with her friends before asking me our plans- so she’ll be here that week we are gone but then head home after the weekend) I am okay with it—I love having her- but it feels like we haven’t had a lot of freetime since swim and with everything else. Aunt Mel comes the week after that and then the Watkins – and then we have our Coeur d'alene trip and then the Miller Park weekend in Utah. Makes me a little tired thinking about it
It’s fun now that everyone knows Emma’s news and a relief to be able to talk about it- I don’t know how it will work with appointments- I guess I’m not invited as long as Noah can be there and it seems like he can be , so we’ll just see how it goes. I think Miles is doing well this summer—he did amazing in Anatomy- got an a- which is a big deal in his science classes- so hopefully O Chem 2 is going well. I need to call him and catch up- I think all things with that girl have gone quiet- which is a bummer but he seems to be okay with not pursuing it. I want him to find someone and do the things that are next- but I’d also love to have him home next summer hahaha. He’s such a catch when he finds the right girl- I hope he keeps looking. He’s been crazy disciplined in this health and fitness challenge—proud of him. It’s prob been nice for him to add that focus in because it feels like something he can control.
I love you Abe—Looking forward to talking Monday- hope you plan something fun- you need that on a pday too! I’ll be available whenever you are free.
Xoxxo Mama
__________________________________________________
7/12/26
Hi Love- So many fun pictures in your camera roll-- fun to update them in the chat-everyone loves it--Montreal is so beautiful and interesting! - I am taking my prize passwords book and dad's laptop to SC so hopefully I can keep up on things with your pictures and entries while I am away. I love your journal entries-- it feels so good to be close to you in this way- always so grateful you trust me with it-- it's such a deeper sweeter look into all the feelings of your heart in the middle of these experiences- and such a sweet blessing for me to be included in it.
I have to keep this brief but I wanted to catch up on your journal before I leave town-- but don't worry- I'll be checking your camera roll and responding next week! I just wanted to leave caught up- We leave tomorrow mid morning but with the travel (7hrs) and the time change (2 hours ahead) we don't get there until 11pm SC time (& your time) so then to get an uber to our hotel etc-- it will be a late night-- I don't know what time dad starts but it might be earlier than usual as he's got to figure out where to go etc-- so you can try us early- but if we don't answer- keep trying and I'll get on later.
Today the kids and dad did the Emmett float-- the weather was so hot and they had a great time; I didn't go bc I was feeling pre trip flustered trying to get my ducks in a row and leave things for Emma organized-- I can tell you more about that when it's you and me on the phone. Sadie and Seth didn't go bc 2.5 hours floating for Miller is prob too long and a gamble if you don't know how he will do. But they were okay with it-- had projects and an awesome nap! Kids are going over there for dinner and CFM tomorrow night so that makes me happy
Boy you are busy! You just go go go and I love that- i am sure it makes the days go faster. Hoping things are going well with your comp. This is out of order but it's neat to me that she confided her thoughts and need for strengthening with you-- she needed that loving counsel and reminder from you to feel God's love sure love for her no matter what. She knows your faith and needed to lean on it! That impression you had in advance of knowing why-what a sweet witness that God knows all- knows us better than we knows ourselves- answers prayers (gives you that sweet impression about forgiveness) even before you pray to need it! to prepare you to sustain her with it also) So powerful. Makes it easier to trust Him when you have reminders like that of his awareness, and his nearness, his love and his mercy. He finds ways to gently remind us that He is constant. You mentioned wondering how you'd ever talk to a future spouse about those things in the past - I remember having this same kind of conversation with Sadie and Emma- and yes- there are important conversations to have-- I think more on the side of pornography with a future husband- just what his experience was and how he handled it-- I remember counseling with Dad and the girls to be very direct in those questions- like when was the last time this was an issue- not assuming it never was. Having said that, I think the sharing from your side can look different- esp if it isn't an ongoing issue-- I think it's enough to share with a spouse wife to husband that you've had experiences with repentance that have drawn you close to your Savior- without going into a ton of detail. This is my opinion, but I think when it involves someone else (sexual sins or pornography) then that's more of something to talk about-- but in your situation, I think to rehash it in detail is not necessary- like it almost creates a scenario where you aren't fully trusting in the full power of the process to forgive and forget to dredge it up again, esp once it's totally resolved. Anyway we can talk about that later and counsel with Dad but I wouldn't worry too much about it- Being transparent with a future spouse means understanding where they are in their strivings and their relationship with their Heavenly Father and the Savior- not just a laundry list of every time you fell short before you felt the atonement working in your heart. An important part of the repentance/forgiveness process is to "abandon" sin-- the sin itself, the memory of the sin, washed clean means no more-- gone. And then you just keep toward the light- focusing on him, trusting in His redeeming power and grace and steadily, intentionally move forward.
One thing you said that you can confidently say in French is The Savior isn't for perfect people, He's for broken ones. AND I LOVE THAT-- it might seem simple to you but think of what a powerful teaching that is-- that He loves us, that He has a way for us to return to Him, that He meets us where we are, that repentance isn't a back up plan, but the actual plan, that He loves us in our imperfectness. It's everything. So don't discount that you can testify of the character of Christ-- because the spirit can witness the power of that to be received in just the specific way that whomever you share it with needs- and it is the most beautiful launch spot ever for you to invite, to testify, to welcome, to love.
I'll leave you with a talk by Pres Ucttidof from a 2021 BYU devotional- I loved the title of it before I ever read the talk:5 Messages that all of God's Children Need to Hear" (might be a good one to share with your comp too)
"If you desire it with all your heart, God will guide you through this mortal life, and He will wait with open arms to embrace you in the Resurrection. No matter our shortcomings, no matter our flaws, God can heal, inspire, and cleanse us. For He is the God of new beginnings."
I love you Avery- you amaze me journal entry by journal entry and week by week. My heart is happy to KNOW that when this time as a full time missionary ends, you will be able to fully trust that you did your best, gave Him your full heart, & found the ones the Lord needed you to- whether it's baptism or just sharing light- you are a blessing in Canada and the Lord knew who He was sending when He called you there. This is sure- don't doubt, downplay or forget it! XOXOXO Mama
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