JOURNAL RESPONSES SOEUR MILLER AT THE MTC 1/16 through 2-18
Journal responses for my Soeur 1/16-1/17 pages 1-6
Page 1.
I won’t respond to much there except to say that your
flowers from dad are still going strong on the island in the kitchen and they
make me happy and sad everytime I see them.
Dad is handling the dishes in your absence with his usual vigor and I
guess I need to make some new job assignments around here—we’ve really just
been surviving since Wed- and then we had a whirlwind of bball and then VIry
came and the baby was here for us to watch on the weekend nights- Sunday
(today) was busy- with church and then I had a meeting—President Tripple texted
me asking about my thoughts and counselors and I just replied- that I needed to
get through last Wed at the airport to have the head space and heart space to
ponder that- and I have been- but I asked until next Sunday to get it sorted
out. I am not sure with Viry if I will
have time to go to the temple which I’d love to just to ponder- but I think I
can sneak away and sit in the car with my tools app and a prayerful heart and
ponder some names…. I think the Lord can work with that ♥ I’d
like to feel directed in it—I think that’s so important.
Page 2
We did it! That airport good bye was hard, but I like you felt
an added strength in it—I watched you get thru security with a lot of composure
and when you did your hurrah for Israel on the other side, I had peace in my heart—and
I know it was emotional, but felt like the Lord gave you (and me) the extra we
needed to be able to do such a hard thing!
Seeing that video from Aunt Jenny helped a lot- you had a spring in your
step and I had peace knowing you’d gotten where you needed to be. That was a gift to get that video! I bet you felt pretty tired the first few
days of the MTC just catching up on the rough night and super early Wed wake up—Dad
and I have felt it too… but here we are Sunday night and another week starting
and I’m not sure we’ve totally regrouped but here we go anyway! I bet you are feeling that too.
Page 3
It’s cool they had an “early arrivals” devotional. I am sure they have that whole intake
operation down! Just think, mid week you
will no longer be the newest newbie missionaries at the MTC!
It’s sweet to read that you could see light in your comp
right away, quirks and all. That’s just
a great quality to have (and you should tell her that at some point- how readily
you saw that in her). We are all trying to gauge from pictures and
reading between the lines on calls—but I know you’ll find the good and make the
most of it. All in all, it sounds manageable
and like you are a blessing to each
other. It’s prob good you can’t really
hash it all out (except in your journal, but even that is risky if you ever
leave your journal where it can be easily found) just because you are more
readily able to focus on all the good- I’m glad you are (were) feeling like you
can have meaningful discussions with your district—that’s so awesome and helpful,
to just feel like everyone can just be their best and try their best.
I loved reading how you are drawing strength on your
personal connection with the Savior.
That’s so beautiful and important—even if there are quiet tears—that’s
okay- you know where to find your peace in it.
Page 4
I want to hug you too! I also know what you mean about not
enough time in the day-- I feel like
Graham always asks me after school what I did that day and I usually say- oh
there’s just not enough time to get caught up—and it’s true and good—a blessing
life is full and days are busy- but when I think about it—there’s always more
good to have done, more time spent with God, more organization that would bring
peace, more tasks to accomplish—I think I need to get better at prioritizing my
lists- that would help me. I will prob
do better at that with V here just because I don’t have the liberty to dink
around if I get productive windows. Ha.
1/17
Whoa. That’s an intense start to a Saturday and impressive—has
anyone just had a total I’m overwhelmed
meltdown? I think I prob would just
reading about all that you did in the first half of your day. Tonight I actually
kind of had one. The kids were watching
a “Sunday movie” with V, so I wanted to spend some time in the handbook just trying
to understand my calling. I know you won’t
relate to this probably, but I am so not a digital phone person- I want a paper
copy, a workbook of a handbook that I can doodle in (since my doodles are aways
so awesome hahaha) no mostly so I can organize myself and take notes about
points that are important for future trainings and for just as I am gathering myself—so
dad wants to help me which is the sweetest, but he sits down with his ipad and
clicks through the handbook which irritates me bc I can’t remember where we just
were or make notes about how to find it= In this process I realize that I do everything
important form my desktop computer—my phone is soo small and I don’t have an
ipad to take on the go or use on the fly so I am really not good at much with
out being in my office. To this
frustration dad says, well then buy an ipad if that’s what you need. And is frustrated with me- I don’t need an
ipad (maybe I do, but can’t handle that learning curve right now) I just need
to go through it at my desk on my own, print off the pages I need to pour over
and take notes on and familiarize myself so that feel like I have a little handle
on this before anyone else (counselors etc) are on board and ready to
launch. So it ended that I came into my
office and printed out about 23 pages of the handbook to study tomorrow—Dad was
probably rolling his eyes at the amount of ink that was, but it’s okay that we
lean and function differently. I am just
feeling my age a little in my inability to be super savvy and click around a
digital handbook—if it was just for me to read it that’s one thing, but to feel
like I can communicate about other people’s responsibilities, and train presidencies
at the ward level, I need to really dive in and get super familiar with it and
the hard copy just initially makes my heart feel better-- So that’s my current plan. I am sure in the MTC, they know the best way
to teach and prep you and you are so much more savvy with digital things- and
you have been set apart (I am really wanting that to happen sooner than this
feels like it will- I get set apart and it feels like that day I need to be
ready to hit the ground running, but until then I am missing those qualifying
blessings) Anway- all that to say that
you amaze me and I am so proud of how you begun—all in and mentally strong to
get this ball rolling.
I am glad you had the comradery of a district that could
(even if not in the moment) share that they are feeling lost at times too—I bet
your mtc teachers know that – they just move forward and apply their faith that
all the gaps will be filled on all the ends as you all keep persevering in the
work of preparation. It’s good you could share these feelings in district
council, that’s what’s its for – to lift and strengthen each other in the
process.
It’s hard to be constructive with criticism. Dad and I don’t do that well after 30 years
of being married and usually one of us has to just soften and sometimes that
comes easier than other times—but I think your input to your comp about keeping
it shorter is good- My guess is that is
just how she handles her nerves-= some people overshare. Some people pop their knuckles. Some people say um a lot, or giggle, or space
out—and you just started these interactions. I’m glad you could chat with Viry
about her conversion- it’s impactful for her to ponder on those things and it
was sweet for her to share it with you.
A good study spot where you can see outside and just breathe
deeply is a good thing. I’m glad you found
a spot to do that. It’s good you knew
you still needed more strength and I am glad you could find a way to get the
littlest bit of space in a bathroom stall to get it out and call down your own kind
of miracle—miracles are all sizes and the ability to reset and talk about random
things afterwards is a needed miracle in the moment. Knowing that you needed to
do something together (when keeping any space might have been more appealing) was
a miracle idea that you had- and an answer ot prayer. I love that you recognized that too. He’s in it all- the big things and the little
details.
Okay- well that’s it for now—I’m caught up and my heart is
full. I know what to pray for!
Tomorrow the kids don’t’ have school, but dad has work.
Lainey is going for fillings in the morning and then I think we might go to
Papa Kelsey’s (Graham’s choice) for Lunch with Viry- In the evening there’s a big football game (I
think college playoffs) and Sadie and Seth and Miller will come over I
think. Didn’t miller look so cute in his
church vest? Sadie said she ran into
Drew Bingham at her ward when they went today (but act surprised when she tells
you about it) I don’t think it was awkward though—That’s kind of fun to
reconnect and there’s a lot to relate to—baby boys just days apart and in the
starting out phase. Anyway she’ll tell
you all about it I’m sure. Miles said his
ward is doing that dating survey thing that Emma’s college ward did- you know
where you put in a box names of someone you might be interested in going on a
date with and then the bishopric finds the ones that matched and you go on a match
date? I remember Emma was totally opposed
to the idea bc there wasn’t anyone in her ward she wanted to date—and I think
as the girl it’s more awkward- but Miles told dad he was just going to text the
bishop on the side and say, hey if there’s someone that wants to go on a date
that doesn’t get a match, I’m happy to take her- so she doesn’t feel bad about
it. Good kid, huh? She’d never know- anyway- I was glad he was open to the idea
and thinking of others in it, even if it doesn’t create the ultimate love
match! Haha. I love him. He seems to be in good spirits and has
another big chem test this Tuesday so pray for him, I think when he gets down
or stressed with school he gets down on himself and it snow balls.
Oh I love you- Dad is ready for bed—and you are already
asleep since it isi now 11:30a,-- so you’ll get this Monday and I just want you
to know that I am absolutely confident in your ability to do this—I know the Lord
will qualify you and consecrate each of your strivings.
So so proud of our AVERYBIG GIRL. Have a great day! Xoxoxoxo—loved the cute pics too!! I’ll put
them on the chat tomorrow!
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1/30/26 Response pages 10-14
All right beautiful girl—feels like my first chance to respond and I’m so sorry it’s late—I have loved reading through your entries—you seem so fulfilled in all of this and that’s so beautiful and reassuring. I love how you’ve had so many instances of feeling like you are loved, where you need to be, and ready to take this all on.
I read thru your devotional notes, but I’d love to hear you share what you loved when we talk. So neat. Sounds like it was just what you needed. I loved the note about how there are more missionaries than any other dispensation= more faith. Just neat to think of the Lord’s trust in you at this critical time of hastening—you were prepared from the beginning to do this NOW.
1/23- I’m so glad you have fun at the gym at Pday and I love that you are one of the sisters that actually plays! And tries! So fun
1/24 I’m glad you take advantage of “optional tutoring” with soeur Smith—that’s so great to do that now while it’s easy to take the time- I am sure you feel maxed out, but that extra effort will bless you—“the Lord loves effort”
It’s cool that you pray as a district before and after HOA’s… it’s neat to unite in faith like that as a group- I’m sure that really blesses your district vibe too.
1/25- It’s good you can re+turn to Christ…thru repentance over and over again & in so many little ways. I love that. In my studies this week I loved thinking about how God’s plan includes repentance – not as a backup if we fail, but as an ongoing part to strengthen us as we keep striving to “re+turn” to Him
1/26 That was cute what you said about Lainey as a missionary—she has wonderful examples in her siblings—but your example will be the most powerful one! ♥ I think you can remind her about striving to have the spirit—just as you were writing about—knowing that you need it constantly and increasing awareness of how that feels and knowing when you need to reinvite it to be close to you—that would help her. One night this week after practice she had a total meltdown and it was about her hair and then her knees and then her friends and I was like “whoa—Lainey- everything can’t be at the same emotional level—like somethings are more or less emotional” That probably wasn’t my best response so we talked (I talked) it out- and moved on but I was just glad that hopefully she’ll get some time to process her life and get some perspective on things from someone who isn’t her mama that loves her like I do and gets what’s she’s going through.
1/27- I love reading about how you are acting on the impressions you have… that’s so neat to develop a pattern on doing that now that will carry with you after your mission
1/28- highs and lows—haha that’s how it goes. And it’s okay! I was glad to put a name to your friend- (I could maybe find him on fb just to see FOR MYSELF, not to share I promise-if you told me first name and where he’s from😊 just saying) but really I think it’s fun that you are making more connections with all sorts of people—just widens your circle for post mission—I hope you aren’t too critical of yourself in that regard- just keep noticing qualities that are important to you—this is a great time to be gathering those kind of reflections. Light attracts light—that’s a good thing… in a different season you’ll be glad for even this kind of experience within it’s parameters. And it’s nice to know that some elders are normal and in the future there will be fun guys to get to know…even just as friends—life gets more full that way. You are a missionary for 18 months not a nun-- :)
It’s fun that you can interact in non missionary ways with your teacher during a meal break and I bet he loved getting so much advice from you all on his proposal. I hope you told him how experienced you are in such matters being involved in both of your brothers in law proposals. ♥
Now I know what to ask you to say on the call—the first vision in French! How cool is that!
I love you so much!
Excited to talk to you in a bit and for our time to talk together today. Lainey is super excited about it too! Sounds like you’ll have to get more details from Miles in an email 😊
Well love I’ll keep this short—you’ll prob read it after your pday- so just know how much we all love you—we are so very proud of you and think you are the most amazing light filled, spirit filled missionary and beautiful too- inside and out!
Xoxox Mama
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letter to Avery from Lainey while Avery is at MTC January 2026
Sœur Miller,
I know we didn’t have a ton a time for us to catch up the last couple Fridays which is totally fine… but I definitely miss the late nights telling you about my day and all the tea!! So, I wanted to send you an email filling you in. I have been super grateful for Viry lately because it’s been a blessing just having someone in there, it has also been a blessing that it hasn’t been awkward at all in the nights like I’ve been worried about. Just like you said, of course ;)
This Sunday I wanted to curl my hair but Viry said that she wanted to do it, which was fine but I was just a little nervous how it would turn out and I did not like it at all. It was like straight all the way except at the bottom and she curled it so my wavy pieces were sticking out weird, as bad as I’m making this sound she was really sweet to get up and help me do it so that was nice. But I will always think of you when I curl my hair and how patient you were with me.
About school and friends though, school is fine I like that it keeps me busy because that helps a lot. Friends is hard I was going to hang out with Emerson this weekend, but we had to much stuff going on and I wasn’t really sad about it. I don’t know but she just seems a little too immature and I’m trying to not be like that AS much anymore but it’s complicated. I just want to start having friends that can feel like we don’t just have to joke around all the time or else it’s awkward and that’s how it kind of feels right now. I know that probably didn’t make any sense, but I know you would just nod your head and tell me it will all work out, so that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. I’m going to try and get together with Holland soon and I am super excited to do that. She is just so nice and I really hope that she will still want to be friends in high school because I really need that and it would be super fun. I do kind of feel like whenever I’m around her I’m just not really cool or pretty enough to be friends with her, which is obviously not true because she never makes me feel like that but it feels like a big switch, but the one that I want to make.
Basketball is good and also keeping me busy in the night. I am so thankful for Mama and doing that for me every single night she takes such good care of all of us!
Ok lastly I just wanted to end this email spiritually because it just felt wrong if I didn’t…
I’ve been really trying to make my scriptures more of a priority in my life because I want to be done with telling myself excuses like I’m too busy or don’t have enough time. I really just want to feel the spirit and get along better with graham and be kind and more honest and all the things but I started using all the planners that you let me have. They were super helpful and I locked in listening to a music playlist that I made for us. Anyway I made times in my day where I would dedicate my time to the lord and get on my knees and pray before I got on my bed and studied. I felt the spirit so strongly and it made me feel happy and honestly closer to you. I want that soooooo bad, I want to feel like that all the time because I want to be like you one day. I want to be invested in the scriptures and faithfully and diligently study them like you would do for hours in our room. But most of all I just want to have that light about me that you do Avery. The one that is so obvious every time I hear you share your testimony. WHO ELSE is as wonderful as you, nobody!!
(like my joke?!?!? #farewelltalk)
I don’t know if you remember this but the daily joy of today is Fulfillment and Joy and i9 wanted to share two parts that I loved of what it says:
Live as a disciple of the lord Jesus Christ. Acquire His qualities of civility and concern for others. Learn to reach out, to lift and encourage people. As you cultivate qualities of kindness, courtesy, and respect for others, your life’s work will be more fulfilling…
True joy comes from becoming all that you may become.
I really liked this one because you easily show love towards others just as the savior would and I love that about you, as well as the other qualities. Avery what you’re doing isn’t only bringing Joy and fulfillment to the ones you serve and this family but to you! I know that while you are out there you will bring so many and help them to become all that they need to be.
Also I watched fighting preacher today and there was the part that the wife was talking about the missionary coming into her house and having a special light about them and later she realized it was the savior working through the missionary and I had a little moment where I started to cry because it made me think of you and how blessed you are and are going to be because the lord is working through you and I know it. As you serve and bring others closer to Christ you are serving the lord and bringing yourself close to him.
Sorry this got so long I just love telling you everything and I miss it so much and I do every night when I say IIIIIIIIIIIII love you good night or should I say
Bonsoir je t'aime
Thinking of You Always and i miss you so much more than you could ever know, you mean the world to me Avery and I am so proud of you and everything that you are.
PS thanks for the hair ideas, i need them all! Good night I love you
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Journal response 2/3/26 thru page 18
So this journal response is the talk text. I’m sitting at basketball practice, but I wanted to make sure I got it to you before PDay
You’ve had a busy week and tomorrow you start your French immersion so I thought you might like to read something in English before that begins :)
I’m not gonna talk about the entry entry on 17 February 3 yesterday
That’s the one I brought with me to Basketball. It was so good to see it on your camera roll and you’ve done such a great job taking pictures. Really is just the best part of my day when I get on there and see there’s new photos to look & new ones to post on the chat.
I keep reading about your anxiousness, in approaching leaving, but I promise you are going to go and find no matter how much you prep there’s gonna be things you didn’t know& things to learn, but that’s exactly the design- if you already knew everything you needed to know, you wouldn’t need a trainer
Even still I see how that could be nerve racking and intimidating - I can tell how much you want to do your best, but remember what President Tripple told you and be gentle and realistic with your expectations- your trainer is being prepared for you just like you’re being prepared for this launch ( she needs to feel needed too :)
I’m very impressed with your constant striving to be a peacemaker, especially when there isnt a feeling of mutual compromise
So you’re getting more roommates- maybe by now you already had them mice in - prob today actually with the newbies arriving- because it sounded like you’ve done all of the shifting around of things- it’s nice that you gave in & moved to the side she liked that was a good thing to give, but don’t be a doormat. It’s OK to have opinions and some people don’t see the need to compromise. It doesn’t mean they wouldn’t if you asked and it’s OK to suggest that maybe you try your way in one situation because you gave in another way - you’d think people could see it for what it is but you know… eve everyone has the same level of social cues hahaha - i’m sure you’re feeling a little cramped without so much space to spread out and hopefully your desk zone is something you can share because you don’t do your studying in your room- I’m thinking- I hope you like New sisters maybe it’ll make it up a little- calm down the singing :)
Speaking of having more in your room, that means I need to send two more valentines- which is not a big deal. I just want you to know this is what I’m sending.
8 sisters
2 female teachers
1 male teacher
3 elders
2 new roommates
I won’t send it until after I talk to you on PDay but make sure I have that right cause I don’t wanna leave anyone out
Aunt Jenny told me that she didn’t get to see you today but she did ask for your mailbox number so I’m guessing they’ll be a surprise in there soon - which is awesome of her- They are headed to Middleton this weekend so we'll get together with them Friday night at Grandmas later I think.
I hope you were able to get in your hair time that’s important too! Good to get that out in your journal
Things here are good ended up not having a tournament this coming weekend which will be a nice break except that Nathan just got into town today so now we have a weekend without a lot of plans- it’s good to see him. He’s super kind, but it might be a long few days. Between us everyone is ready for V to go back to her life-- good to have her and support her but it's been a long time-- Lainey is ready most of all. She's been having some major ups and downs this week (Lainey) just drama and moods that I can't always figure out why and a shut down when I try to draw it out of her like when it's just us on the way to practice-- she loved talking just you two last week, and i think it was so good for her.... she just needs your perspective-- I'm "too old" for her to think that I get most of it-- and she's probably right- because even though I do get it-- I catch myself trying to "fix" it by offering the bigger picture and she's too in the middle of all the feelings to see any of that- even if it's accurate-- she needs her sister time! So I am grateful we can do that like last week, if it works for you- right after she's out of school by calling my messenger
Dad's still been working a lot and it's good and honestly it's good for him to have a project so he doesn't go off on other tangents but it's been to a weird extreme-- for good reasons but not a lot of balance in it-- comes home right before I have to leave for Bball-- we have our show time at night- but we don't see him a lot. Sadie brough Miller over today and it was fun- she and Miller took a long nap in Miller's bed and then when Miller woke up, she brought him to me and laid back down for a few hours... not lots has changed! Hahaha-- I was so glad to see her-- i don't like to go too long between visits-- Miller is more smiley and super reactive now-- still not a lot of giggling though-- he seems to really like every kind of baby food they give him-- peas or sweet potatoes etc.... I don't know if he's tried the good stuff Like pears yet. I think they do baby food veggies in the mid day and rice cereal at nighttime to keep his tummy more full.
Graham is coming home for Lunch Friday so that will be good for you to talk to him-- he missed you last week. He seems to be doing well with driving-- he's pretty responsible and I don't worry too much-- some of course, but it's been nice that he's a little older and he understood the pattern well from going with you. He's good about leaving by 7:10 so he's not in a morning rush and picking up Lainey afterschool helps it be chill in the afternoon. So I'm grateful.
Miles has a big test this weekend sometime in O-chem and bio so pray for him, he needs to test well. He's coming home next weekend (Valentines/presidents day so at least with the Monday off it's a bit more time-- still short-- I'm really going to miss him this summer. We're trying to find a window to go do something together but he doesn't really have a long break until after the kids start back (which is AUG 12!!! this year) Seems like it keeps getting earlier all the time. So I'm not sure how we'll swing that-- maybe just the Oregon coast for a long weekend? IDK-- haven't seen Dad enough to figure it out.
The Meffords are moving on Saturday within that same subdivision just to a bigger unit so we'll be all hands on deck (as best we can if we can separate from V and N) to help with that.... then we have evening Stake Conference meetings
I’m glad you loved the devotional. You remember that Elder Gimenez is the one that came to our Linder stake a year ago when we got our new Stake presidency and he’s the one that interviewed Dad for the stake president calling… I’m sure you remember him because of his interaction with the youth putting his coat on that one kid that was about to be ordained with the priesthood
Excited to hear what you thought about the devotional- I love what you shared from his wife about heavenly father not feeding something negative and you shouldn’t either
You are becoming more like him every day. I can see it so clearly.
i spoke to my new counselors on the phone and all were so gracious and happy to do this together so that was comforting-- Carol Stringham first counselor, Karen Sanford (she's in foxtail now but used ot be in our ward and she was my ministering sister-- do you remember that family in Utah that had a daughter killed by a pillar falling on her when she was in a hammock at a pool part? That was her granddaughter-- and that happened during our time getting to know each other a few years ago), and Barbara Skovensky (because she can organize and text and help me-- I might just have to tune out some giggling in joint meetings...hahahha) I have to take Ashley Willoughby flowers or cookies next week after we're sustained bc I think she's pretty unhappy that two primary workers just got plucked out of our ward for a mystery stake calling-- she might have lasers of disgust going on my direction on Sunday when we are sustained. I have been prepping some short remarks, a testimony really, supposed to be less than 5 minutes for Stake Conference- but I'm still nervous-- this calling is going to be a lot for me-Spurwing asked for the Stake RS President (who Bishop knows will be me after Sunday) to teach the joint RS/PRIETHOOD lesson during their ward conference-- ) I am trying to have a willing heart, but teaching like that-- oh! I don't feel qualified or adequate-- I need to be set apart to feel more strength in a more visible "leader" calling! Looking forward to that on Sunday-- but I was relieved when I realized that I will be out of town for Spurwing WC, because that's the same weekend as my trip to see my dad in CA with my sisters (march 4-8) Still, I may have dodged it this time, but I'm sure I'll get tagged in other wards-- which might be a little easier for me honestly than it would in my own ward, which is weird because there's love there- but also more intimidating to me. I keep referring back to the chapters we've been reading in Moses about God's ability to qualify and about one man's faith, and I remember that this is God's work, I just get to be a helper-- ♥ Anyway, I'll send you a draft of my testimony for Sunday once I nail it down a little more;. Pray for me-- I need your faith in this !
Vous êtes déjà le missionnaire que Dieu veut que vous soyez à ce stade de votre service. Il connaît votre cœur et vous remplira de sa lumière. Il le fera certainement, car vous faites des efforts, et c'est tout ce dont il a besoin pour agir.
Here's your cheat sheet- but I bet you can figure it out with out
You are already the missionary God needs you to be at the stage of your service. He knows your heart and will fill you with His light. He is bound to because you are striving and that's all he needs to work with.
I know that's true for me too in this thing I've been called to do as Stake RS President, but it's easier for me to trust it in reference to you.
Je Vous aime de tout mon coeur ♥
addendum (journal 2/4) I will respond here so we don't talk too much about it with Lainey on Friday :)But Lainey prob loves knowing some of the scoop--- Avery. the pink donut-- that is so cute- like really sweet in a low key and appropriate way- for you to be warm and brave enough to say HBD and for him to offer a donut--. It's not a crazy stretch sometime before you leave, to say, it'd be fun to see what you do in Japan-- I'd love to be on your email list. and vice versa-- Afterall you are working different parts of the world in the same great cause... you'll be growing your friend pool all along the way-- with people in your districts etc... this is just like that.
It will be good to move forward in your own lanes when it's time to head out to your own areas-- but the connection is neat-- and sweet- and it's okay to feel hopeful about a time and a place one day when you have a different focus, you'll have fun seeing where things lead with whomever captures your attention, whomever the Lord brings to you- in all the fun and new ways-- enjoy the buffer of the tag for now... connections are a good thing.
I love you-- I love you!
xoxo
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2/10/26 pg 21
Hi Beautiful girl!
Just love you so
much-- so fun seeing your pictures and videos- all of them love it-- such
a happy delight when I look and there are more pics/journals to see. We
are always thinking of you!
I love that you got
to hear President Oaks devotional- I was hoping you would be able to do
that. It's cool to me that he would speak to that group in that setting.
I hope it makes Young Adults feel seen by the Prophet of God. I am sure
those notes were esp sweet to you as a missionary.
I get a sense of how
fun your district is-- and you seem like you enjoy each other which is such a
happy bonus of your MTC time-- I don't know if that is a typical experience for
all- so it's a blessing that you've had that. I know you bring so much to
that cohesiveness-- I know because it's one of your gifts, and you do that in
our family-and we are missing that in the abundance that we've grown used
to. We'll need it back when you get home! It really is a gift! To bring
people together- to make things fun and okay, to include, to elevate the
group-- everything is better sweeter with Ave in the mix.
Yay for a period
that was late, but not so late as to be an issue with upcoming travel.
Mine started yesterday too so we are still in sync. hahaha. Also I
loved your hair-- must've borrowed a straightener and a curling wand-- fun to
mix it up! It always looks so pretty-- you will always be known for your
beautiful curls!
I am glad you are
having a good French immersion experience-- you are more ready for all of this
than you think you are. I am glad you are in a mindset of gratitude for
this time at the MTC-- it's been neat to hear you speak and share so many positives
about it esp for Graham and Lainey to look forward to on that note.
Lainey has handled
Viry leaving pretty well, and I think she enjoys having her space back-- it was
cute though because V left her all these little notes everywhere just like you
would-- that meant a lot to Lainey. V said she cried all the way home--
and almost asked Nathan to turn back around--
but they made it--
and Watson was a happy sight for her when she got there. I think her here
this long was good for her and good for Lainey- but also time to move on- I
hope V can keep making good steps forward in her mental health in her "regular"
life and we'll see her at conference. She's pretty sweet (and generous of
heart) with Miller which is bittersweet-- but she handles it so well and spoils
him with so many outfits from Marshalls... like prob 12 this trip alone.
But she enjoys it and Sadie is good with sharing Miller calling V Tia.
:)
Graham is handling
driving like a champ. I don't worry about him too much. A little, but
that's a mama heart. He was invited to go to a church on Locust Lane last
night for a pickup game with Cade Nicolaysen and friends so that was fun for him-
prob to be invited and to just be independent and drive himself there and
back. He and Lainey are trying to co-exist (hahaha can't take that Subaru
phrase seriously) in the gym space upstairs afterschool. You can imagine
how that goes with Graham trying to control how many reps Lainey does on a
machine before he deems it's time to rotate-- they are going to try one more
time today afterschool and if that doesn't go smoothly, Graham will have to
yield to letting Lainey have the first slot of time upstairs on her own since
she has night practice.
Speaking of L
basketball- Coach Osterhaut has taken over slam since all the coach Leah drama
and has been pretty impressed with Lainey- I think partly bc Sabrina left and
she was prob the only one better than Lainey- but she reached out to us
personally to invite Lainey to join her traveling highschool team (club u 15/16
which is the division the Blackwell girls play in) but it felt a little like
she was wanting to fill a roster. Plus they travel a lot-- not far- but
to like Vegas, Arizona, Seattle-- and I'm just not ready for that. Also I
want to keep on a trend of Lainey building confidence-- and she wouldn't be a
starter (obviously) on that team. Alicia was still pretty interested and said
we could do whatever travel tournaments we wanted (which is her better JV and
varsity club players at Rocky) and then do the local team (which is basically
the frosh team right now) when we didn't want to travel. (I felt like that is a
big jump age and social stage wise- traveling with juniors and seniors-- not
that they aren't nice girls but I don't feel ready for that socially for
Lainey) All in all, I think it'd be good for her to be challenged but maybe a
big jump and not the best confidence booster leading up to Summerball--
although it'd be a lot of the same girls she'll play with at Rocky.
Still, she was excited about playing for Steve (which is now officially not
STACKZ but Culture Shock) and those girls (Holland and Sabrina esp) and a few
girls like Greta who had such a tough time with Slam this season-- so I think
we feel better about going that route-- just letting her have a good season
growing with Steve and girls and then hitting summer ball and then school
ball. I don't know how it works with club girls in high school-- I am all
about her doing club off season, but I don't want to double up again it was too
much for our schedule and for her knees... so that's the bball update. I
hope we didn't burn a bridge with Coach Osterhaut, and it was good of her to
take such an obvious and single interest in Lainey- but I think we are showing
some loyalty finishing strong-- I hope she can see it that way even without
continuing after this weekend. Steve texted me and told me his club (top
team which Lainey is a part of after Slam) is trying to play this weekend too--
so that's not ideal bc I don't want Lainey to be playing Steve's team as a Slam
player- but we'll see- I never know much about the weekend bball plan
until Wed eve. Hahaha- that was a huge bball update and prob overshare...but
there you go;.
Other than
basketball this weekend we're looking forward to having Miles home-- he's
planning on driving up Thursday morning. We'll do a "fancy" dinner
prob Valentine's night-- but not a lot else. Seth's bday is 2/20 and
Sadie is doing a bigger deal (surprise) for that so i think they'll just be
over here for Valentine's.
Okay another side
note-- haven't really known how to share this-- we just decided this week-- but
planned a spring break cruise. Dad keeps saying we need to still do stuff with
the littles (to which Sadie reminds us that they've been cruising longer than
the rest- but I think they missed out on some of our pre cruise days when we
camped. hahaha. Graham did the research to find what was available last
minute-- I think I hadn't done anything planning wise earlier bc I
couldn't wrap my head around not including you and wasn't sure about Miles
either (which is hard bc he's here) because he's schedule with no spring break
and summer away doesn't allow us really any windows. We haven't told him
yet. We just found one that went that week of their spring break which is
like March 14th. It's the Eastern Caribbean (includes the DR) but don't
worry Abe-- not going to the islands like St Martin, St Thomas-- we'll save
those for you! It will be fun and different in that we can all fit in one
room- I hope it's a good bonding for G and L because they've been at each
other's throats lately. It's just on Carnival- we wanted to mix it up, but
carnival seems to be the best for their ages with things to do on board so they
can go off and adventure while Dad relaxes-- he needs that! None of it
will be as awesome without you bigs. I will miss you the whole time!! Dad
will have the internet though- so we'll get our time with you on pday, don't
you worry. Anyway-- no great way to tell you that-- but there it is.
It was good to be
set apart on Sunday and get this ball rolling-- already I found out I have a
7:30am (!!) Stake Council meeting (the one with all the High
Councilmen and the Stake Pres) this Sunday in the morning and then a meeting
just me and President Tripple Sunday afternoon. I set up a lunch
date for my presidency at kneaders, not a meeting, just a get to know
each other better lunch for Friday and then our first Presidency meeting
during the following week. I just put a post it note on dad's desk of the
nights I need him to start covering bball.. haha. he might not like
that and truth be told, I like him having the meetings and me picking up the
slack, but I guess it's my turn for now-- although he still has a pretty big
calling and meetings-- but we'll figure it out. Sadie got called into YW
as an advisor so they'll be busy Tuesdays (that's when their ward meets
for mutual) and that will be hard for them with the baby so I told them
I'd just plan to come to them on Tues nights (with Graham likely bc dad can
take Lainey to Bball, or G can go with him) but that way they can do mutual and
not worry about the baby. Plus if I'm there, it doesn't get so late for
them. So there's a built in Miller date weekly and a way i can hopefully
support them in their callings. Drew's wife was called into YW too. as
the YW secretary- so those guys are quite the quad group in that ward-- what a
blessing they are to a ward that needs them
Dad said he feels
bad he hasn't emailed you yet and i told him it's okay if you are talking each
week-- i said she would love an email when you have time, but also she prob
just would be happy to know how much you are thinking of her-- so tell her that
more in the chat-- which was so cute when he screenshotted and sent (which is
no small feat for him) in the chat that baby pic of you that came up on his
desk. Feel loved and seen Abe-- he's on his knees praying for you
everyday!
I was reading in the
DC this morning and in section 100 verses
5 Therefore, verily I say unto you, lift
up your voices unto this people; speak the
thoughts that I shall put into your hearts, and you shall not be confounded before
men;
6 For it shall be given you
in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say.
7 But a commandment I give unto you,
that ye shall declare whatsoever thing ye declare in
my name, in solemnity of heart, in the spirit of meekness, in all things.
8 And I give unto you this promise, that
inasmuch as ye do this the Holy
Ghost shall be shed forth in bearing record unto all things
whatsoever ye shall say.
9 And it is expedient in me that you, my
servant Sidney, should be a spokesman unto
this people; yea, verily, I will ordain you unto this calling, even to be a
spokesman unto my servant Joseph.
10 And I will give unto him power to be
mighty in testimony.
11 And I will give unto thee power to
be mighty in
expounding all scriptures, that thou mayest be a spokesman unto him, and he
shall be a revelator unto
thee, that thou mayest know the certainty of all things pertaining to
the things of my kingdom on the earth.
12 Therefore, continue your journey and
let your hearts rejoice; for behold, and lo, I am with you even unto the end.
I related that to you as a French
Speaking Missionary-- these added gifts you will have as you testify and to me
in my calling as I have to step up and speak and train-- trusting that the Lord
will bless me in it. That trust is everything.
I love you Soeur Miller. You are
already the kind of missionary I'll strive to be one day! - Mama
___________________________________________
Journal responses pg 22/23
Journal
thoughts pg 22/23
Who always
show up? satan ( I never capitalize his name- don’t want to give him any
importance—hahaha…for reals, I always keep it lowercase) Who always stays? JESUS!!! I love that thought— I will add it to my
notes page for talk material—speaking in different wards in June and October-- I
love that you had a Relief Society Presidency member there- I remember her
conference talk- she has a genuineness about her that I really gravitate
toward--- and I’m so glad her message was powerful to you. I am always looking in the church news for my
missionary in those devotional pictures! I was pretty happy to think I recognized
Sis L from your district and even happier to confirm it in the article with the
caption. I bet her family loves that!!
I am sure Wednesdays
are long esp after looking forward to Tues Devos- and you got 2 in one day this
week- pretty cool. But you’ve almost
made it – pday tomorrow—I’ll look in the morning on msg to see what your plan
and time frames are. Lainey is super excited
for “her time” with you.
Miles was
able to get away Wed late afternoon and got in later last night—he’s been
really sick this week which is hard— cold, and upset stomach and the problems
both ends that go with it. I was anxious
to get him home to just help him regroup- keep him in your prayers- he has a
fever and is clammy- you know when you sweat all night but you are cold
still? I think it’s his body just
working it out- but I’m glad he’s here.
Poor guy
There was
some issue with the CTB tournament, so Slam isn’t playing in it after all this
weekend. Which is fine but also lame bc
we were counting on it. I just text
Coach O and thanked her for the way she finished out the season—they still have
practices thru FEB- but it’s just time to move forward with the other club. Lainey is on their top team and wants to play
with those girls and Steve will coach it- so I think that’ll be a good bridge
to summer bal- I tried to be gracious and wait it out with Slam- but this
weekend was going to be Lainey’s last thing anyway- so it’s okay to be done
there- I am sure it’s been frustrating for the Slam club to lose so many players
who aren’t going forward with that club (for now) Greta, Sabrina, Lainey….not
sure who else)
Today I felt
like a missionary—that isn’t feeling effective—I didn’t have appointments, but
I let the 8 RS presidents in the stake know I’d just drop by today with a little
treat—just wanted to meet and hug them all—I got to see 2 of the 8- the rest
were just doorstop drop offs bc no one answered the door. But that’s okay- I hope
they feel loved and the effort of trying to meet them seems like enough- less
awkward when I meet them for training and at their ward conferences. I say like a missionary because I did a lot
of knocking and no answering. Haha.
Tomorrow is my lunch with the Presidency- I wasn’t thinking about that
being your pday too. I’m worried about
the timing—but hopefully it works out—wanted to let you know—I have to be at
Kneaders 12:30-1:30- I won’t let it go more than an hour- so I’m hoping that
bumps into you lunch a little bit—but if not, I am sure Sadie and Miles and
maybe Emma and Dad can be on. I just don’t
want to miss anything With you!
I scheduled temple
baptisms Valentine’s night—seems like a good thing to do after our dinner—hopefully
Miles is up for it!
I listened
to a good talk today, thought I’d share it with you
https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/michalyn-steele/choose-to-trust-the-lord/
I love the
reminder that we can and should “develop a trust and love for the Lord that is not
transactional, but is relational”
“Like the blessings I have received,
the challenges I have faced have been individualized, tailor-made to cultivate
my strengths and to fortify my weaknesses. In walking my path, I have been
given the opportunity to choose to love and obey the Lord, even when I have
felt sometimes forsaken. I am learning that my faith in the Lord is not
conditioned on getting what I want when I want it. Instead, I have worked to
develop trust and love for the Lord that is not transactional
but relational. I love Him for who He is. I trust Him and His love
for me. He is my Creator and Savior.”
I also thought of you and your faith
with French when I read about her experience:
“A long time ago, I was called as a missionary to the
Texas Houston Mission. The call said that I should report to the MTC to prepare
to teach the gospel in the English language. As my stake president set me apart
as a missionary, I remember him saying these words: “The language the Lord
would like you to learn is the language of the Spirit.”
I knew that to learn the vocabulary and grammar of
the language of the Spirit, I would need to study the scriptures, identify
promptings, and understand the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. I knew that
it was a language I had been learning my whole life as my parents taught me to
keep the commandments and to love the Lord. I had mentors and teachers who had
modeled fluency in the language of the Spirit. “To take counsel from [the
Lord’s] hand,”16 as Jacob instructed, we must develop our own
fluency in the language of the Spirit. To try to learn that language, I
undertook a deep study of the Book of Mormon.
Once I had arrived at the MTC, I enjoyed learning the
principles of missionary work, but I kept wondering how I might say certain
phrases in Spanish. When that happened, I told myself to keep focused on the
tasks at hand. But my mind kept wandering to the few Spanish phrases I knew,
and I kept wondering about Spanish grammar and vocabulary.
I eventually recognized that these unbidden thoughts
were the whisperings of the Spirit helping to prepare me to go to Houston,
Texas, where there would be many people I would meet who would speak Spanish.
So I went to the MTC bookstore and bought a copy of El Libro de Mormón and put
it with my things, pleased that I had felt and recognized a prompting and sure
that I would have the opportunity to share that book with someone as a
missionary.
When I arrived in Houston a few weeks later, my
mission president, Clark T. Thorstenson, pulled me aside at the airport.
He said, “Sister Steele, the Lord has made it clear to me that He would like
you to learn Spanish. I am assigning you to the Spanish-speaking program.”
I felt like the Lord had been trying to whisper it to
me all along and was smiling, now that I was in on the plan too. That evening I
wondered how I would ever learn Spanish, and I wished that I could go back to
the MTC. Then I remembered my Libro de Mormón. I took it out and began to read.
My study of the Book of Mormon in preparing for my mission helped me to follow
along: “Yo, Nefi, nací de buenos padres.”17 Buenos padres?
“Goodly parents”!18
At first I had no other books to use to study the
Spanish language except for the Book of Mormon. But I remembered the inspired
counsel of my stake president: the language the Lord wanted me to learn was the
language of the Spirit. I enlisted the Spirit—who, it turns out, speaks perfect
Spanish—to magnify my abilities and to tutor me in both the Spanish language
and the language of the Spirit. Those two languages would be crucial to my
missionary service.
A few months in, I had a companion from El Salvador,
Hermana Seravia. She was a great missionary and senior companion. One day she
said to me, “Hermana, you are doing pretty good with Spanish, but you talk too
much like a Book of Mormon! We don’t really say, ‘Now behold, we rejoice to be
in your home.’”
I have reflected a lot in the years since this
experience about the way that calling unfolded. I know that the Lord is
omniscient. Surely He knew that the people I was called to teach in Houston
spoke Spanish and that I did not know Spanish when my call had been issued
months earlier.
So why did the Lord send me to Texas without MTC
language training? At the time, if I were to have designed the experience for
myself, I would have called me to learn Spanish in the MTC. However, although I
have the power of choice and autonomy in many things, I am not the primary
architect of my own life experiences. I am called to trust that the Lord has a
plan for my life, just as I know that He has a plan for yours. Both the big
picture and the smaller details are within His infinite and loving calculus.
As it worked out, the experience was tailored to draw
upon my particular strengths and to fortify my particular weaknesses. The
airport switcheroo meant that I could not lean upon my own capacities to learn
Spanish as a purely intellectual exercise. I had to rely on the gifts and
tutelage of the Spirit. I had to plead for the gift of tongues. I had to rely
on the prayers of loved ones—the power of which I could feel bringing words and
phrases to my mind and loosing my tongue as I taught. The Lord foresaw that
Spanish would be a great blessing in my life but that learning to trust Him and
rely on Him while learning the language of the Spirit was an even more
important lesson.”
I like the idea of the Lord
tailoring experiences to our strengths and to our weakness to fortify us. And I
loved her ending with this hymn:
“So we
ask: “Where can I turn for peace? . . . Where is the quiet hand to
calm my anguish?”26
Here is the reply: “He answers privately, Reaches my
reaching In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend. Gentle the peace he finds for my
beseeching. Constant he is and kind, Love without end.”27
Something that I’ve been thinking about
this week with my own Come Follow Me study is Noah and the ark and that verse that says the
Lord “shut him in” In further study learning that the word shut in Hebrew
means, to protect or seal—that made me think of the temple as the ark of our
day—and why the Lord is urging us to go there— to be “shut in” sealed and
protected through covenants and a deepening relationship with our Savior Is
such a cool thought.
Well love- excited to talk to you
tomorrow-we are so crazy proud of our beautiful wonderful striving missionary! This will be a BIG week and you’ve got this
because HE does! ♥Mama
______________________________
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